So I’ve never really been a fan of Baby, It’s Cold Outside and I’m hearing it all over the place this Christmas. So I decided to write a quick one-shot with the lyrics. Of course, this is all just open to interpretation and this is mine. A lot of people argue that it’s just a song or whatever, but this is something on the radio—it’s a freaking Christmas classic. And, at least to me, it sounds pretty rapey. I mean, in the original sheet music, the woman’s part is labeled “Mouse” and the man’s part is “Wolf.”
“I really can’t stay,” she said, looking nervously around the living room.
“But it’s cold outside,” he said, touching the back of her hand. He picked it up. ‘Your hands are just like ice.” He began to warm them with his own.
“This evening has been very nice, but my mom will probably be worried.” She was afraid to offend him, so she let him rub her hand. “My dad will be pacing the floor.”
He pulled her closer to the fireplace. “There’s no hurry—at least warm up.” He smiled at her. “Listen to that fireplace roar.” He handed her a fresh cocktail.
“Half a glass and then I really should go.” She took a sip, giving him a tentative smile.
“Let me put on some music.” He got up and plugged his iPod into the speakers. A song with a tinkling piano began to play from the stereo.
She took another sip of her drink, feeling dizzy from the heat and the alcohol. “Wow, what’s in this drink?” One drink was hitting her faster than she’d ever experienced before.
“It’s getting pretty bad out there.” He was looking out of the blinds at the snow coming down outside. “Probably gonna be hard to get a cab.” He came back and took a seat next to her, his thigh pressing against hers. “You have the most beautiful eyes.”
She felt like she was caught in a spell that she didn’t know how to break. Her head spun in circles, making it hard to think. She felt him take her beret from her head.
“Let me take this.” When she put her hand up to stop him, he leaned forward and said, “Your hair looks fine.”
He flung her hat away, and for a moment she thought he’d thrown it into the fireplace. But that couldn’t be right. “No,” she murmured, feeling a faint shiver run down her spine.
“Mind if I get a little closer?” He ignored the hand she placed against his chest. “Don’t be like that.” He captured her hand in his.
“I really can’t stay,” she said, trying to pull away, but not wanting to offend him.
He put her fingers to his lips, lightly kissing each fingertip. “It’s cold outside and warm in here. Just stay a few minutes longer.”
She took her hand back, feeling like she might be sick. “No, I need to go. You’ve been very nice and I had fun on our date, but it’s time I got home.” She staggered as she got to her feet.
He steadied he steps. “Look outside,” he said, pointing to the window. “It’s like a blizzard out there.” He pulled her close to his chest. “Your lips look so delicious.”
“Where’d you put my coat?” she asked, turning her face away from his. She felt him kiss her cheek instead.
“You’re going to get pneumonia if you go out in that.” His voice turned hard, a warning.
She tried to walk, but found that the floor seemed to shift beneath her feet. “My sister’s expecting me,” she managed to say, grabbing the corner of the hallway wall before she could fall.
His arms came around her waist, catching and holding her up. As her vision dimmed, she heard him say, “But baby, it’s cold outside.”